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Letter from a man in Birmingham to his friend in London:

"I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood. The alarm system was no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch...

Instead, I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden.

Now, the city police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all keeping watch on my house 24x7x365...

I'm followed to and from work every day and my wife too when she goes out shopping.

So no one bothers us at all...

I've never felt safer... All thanks to Pakistan."