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The�first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.� Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them.)

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.
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3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.
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6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
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7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify...." I answered, "a doctor."
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11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.